the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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