Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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