I faked an abortion last night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
