Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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