I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize