Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize