I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
