so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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