I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
