It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
