there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
