all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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