she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
where does the pee come out of this thing
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
