i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
