I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
