You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
