at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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