i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
we're so committed to being not committed
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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