return my video game
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
