All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
