My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
