i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
