i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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