I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
