I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize