i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize