yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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