You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
