is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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