Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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