i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
jump out the window naked night went bad
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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