Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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