i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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