Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
