apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
