Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
