All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
