THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
