oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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