didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
