So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
