All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
