I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
