Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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