Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
