help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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