y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
