Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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