Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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