Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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