she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
