I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
