remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
