We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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