It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
