Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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