Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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