Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
