Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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