I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
