Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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