you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize