you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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