i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
