I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
