When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
