I could make wine with my vomit
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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