I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
