There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
