if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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