Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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