I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
