Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Randomize
