His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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