What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
