you traded sex for a burrito?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
