That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
