Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
